Tense tents

When, in all that’s decent and holy, is it a good idea to go off and buy a tent, when you are hungover.  A long leisurely brunch, followed by a lie down on the couch with the papers, that would be the right thing to do. No. Not for us. Off to Halfords with us to make a big purchase. We weren’t looking for a flowery petit quelque chose for a boho music/literary/foody/well-being/pretend-your-young-again festival. We needed one with space for us all, preferably sound proofed. So due consideration was required. Now bringing our little darlings into any shop is not a good idea. They undergo a swift personality change and develop new argumentative skills. ‘What are we going to do in a tent? Who’s going?’ The Small Man sighs and assumes the position, with his new sooooo-bored-with-my-parents face. ‘Camping’,  I reply and ‘just ourselves’. He looks like he will self-combust and if he doesn’t, I will, from remnant toxins and gone wrong with the want of a rasher sangwich. Halfords above all places. And on your life, don’t ask any of the alleged staff for help, ‘I’m sorry madam, I’m only trained to put the screws in, you’ll have to ask my colleague, he’s trained to take the screws out again’. Futile, you are on your own. Tent bought, a trial run in the back garden was in order. Sheets, flaps, zips, pegs, poles, ties, more zips, hooks, eyes, gadgets, instructions. I was worn out already and the yoke wasn’t even up yet, we’d only taken it out of the bag. Stretched out, this was a monster and it covered the whole postage stamp that is our garden. We persisted and triumphed. So at 1.30am three 11 year old boys and two 8 year old girls were still bringing the house down inside the big top. Himself went out, pillow under his oxter, killjoy to the kids merriment but alas we do have neighbours, and they are quiet, even when in their hot-tub. At 5am the children’s energy knows no bounds and they join the chirpy birds, full of the joys and rarein’ to go. So I intervene and send Himself packin. ‘We’re not tired...ye are tired....we’re not tired...I’m tellin ya, yer all tired!’. They zipped up and finally zipped it. The rain did Riverdance on our haven but we slept till 7.30am. Not bad. But as for those birds...